A Heartbreaking Post of Staggering Genius

It all began on a cold, yet sunny day in February. I, having just begun my second term as a Music Educator-in-training, was suddenly given the task of choosing where I would like to complete my internship.

I have a choice??

The decision became an overwhelming one... Which part of the province? Furthermore, which grade-level? Sure, I will get more substituting gigs in the primary/elementary levels...maybe I should get some training there? On the other hand, my first full-time job will most likely be at the Junior High level...perhaps that would be the best choice? And what's this I hear about Harlow? Do I want to be involved with a music curriculum that teaches kids how to play ABBA?

I need a drink.

June:

"MUN Faculty of Education, how may I help you?"

"Hi, my name is Michael Janes and I'm a Music Educatifon student. I'm calling to find out whether or not my internship placement at the new high school in Corner has been confirmed".

Curse that fucking amalgamation - there's no damn way I'm calling it "The Super School"

"Hi Michael, this is J***** M*****. I've just been reviewing your file, and we don't have a record of you ever applying for your internship."

"WHAT THE FUCK??"

[sic]

Thus began a long series of e-mail/phone tags. Those morons in the Education department appeared to have LOST my application! So I was forced to re-apply. But now I was considered a "late applicant", which brings some further complications into the mix. For starters, I now had to complete TWO courses over the summer, as opposed to waiting until the Winter to finish them. This actually wasn't a big deal..they were only one credit courses, so I could easily challenge them both.

"We'll contact you in a few weeks once we've confirmed your placement".

Bullshit

Late August

Still no word. I start panicking. I mean Jesus, if I'm going to Corner Brook, I still have to find a place to stay! What in God's name is taking so long? I had already contacted the education department a number of times..

They're "working on it"

Early September

Success! My internship has been confirmed! I'm off to Corner Brook, to immerse myself in what's considered one of the best high school music programs in Atlantic Canada! Thankfully, I had the foresight to make many "just in case" arrangements - found a replacement teacher for all of my private students and saved up some money. But most importantly, I started apartment hunting early on. This proved to be somewhat difficult...every place I found either a)was full of a bunch of 1st-year Grenfell students (no thanks), b)wouldn't take me for only four months (understandable), or c)wasn't furnished (impossible).

Now comes the question of my car. She's a bit rough around the edges, but is still in alright shape. I took her into the shop to have it looked at. Other than a few minor problems (which I fixed), the mechanic said it was in good condition. He must have missed something.

I'm driving into Mount Pearl, down the steeeeeeepness of Masonic Drive (which crosses over Topsail road and becomes Commonwealth Ave.), when I decided to lose some speed and hit the brakes. They don't work.

This is a problem.

Thank GOD the light was green, or I would have smashed into someone going East/West on Topsail road, or would have BEEN smashed. I pulled into a church parking lot, called a friend, and headed off to Canadian Tire to get some break fluid. After pouring it in, I turned the car on and pumped the brake. The fluid squirted all over the parking lot. The break line has been cut.

I blame Tom.

Another trip to the shop later, and the car is working fine. The next day, I'm off to Corner Brook. I arrive at my new residence, and meet my roomate. Her name is Linda. She's 48 and is a recent-divorcé who apparently is very lonely. My cousin Matthew drops in.

"Linda, ya crooked 'ol cuss, have you slept with my cousin yet?"

Matthew met Linda in harlow while he was working on his Ph.D in French Literature.

Why the hell he was studying French in England?

It is now the first weekend after classes began, and I STILL haven't heard when exactly I'm going to start at teh school. I go to my french class on Friday evening (taught, of course, by Matthew..."interesting" to say the least"). After class, we drive around Corner Brook, buy some booze, and head off to my cabin in Deer Lake. A case of beer and 3 bottles of wine later, and we're both pretty drunk.

ahh, I've missed the cabin...

Sunday

I just blew 200 dollars on supplies...a wireless card for my PC, a desk, groceries, a chair, etc. I finally get my room organized, and feel like I'm finally settled in to my (temporary) life. I check my mail at around 6:00.

"I am very sorry to report to you that the internship placement at the Corner Brook High School cannot go ahead as planned. I am very disappointed about this development and will assist in an alternate placement within our district if that is useful. We have a music program at Pasadena and Stephenville that may be an alternative."

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ALMIGHTY SOMEONE IS GOING TO DIE

That's it. No reason given. I called Matthew and he flipped. He contacted the mayor of Corner Brook (they're good buds). The mayor also teaches English at the high school. He also got pissed off, and called the principal right away. Apparently the principal had no idea what he was talking about - this was all news to him too.

What the fuck is going on??

So now I'm in a rut. I just opened a bottle of Crown Royale. Will I head back to St. John's? Will I try again to intern out here in January? Who knows....with the mayor on my side, maybe I can land a high-paying (relatively speaking) city job in the meantime. Do i WANT to intern in Pasadena or Stephenville? Stephenville's a shithole and an hour and ahalf away. Pasadena's an even bigger shithole, and barely even HAS a music program. WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO???

I need another drink.

The end?